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"The Egg Salad Equivalency" - The Big Bang Theory - Episode 6.12

Sheldon and the group draw unfortunate attention from human resources

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DVD boxed set of The Big Bang Theory - Season 5

CBS
Original Air Date: Jan. 3, 2013

Plotlines

When Sheldon's research assistant, Alex, suggests that she and Leonard could go out on a date, Sheldon tries to figure out how to deal with the situation. He lets slip to Penny that Leonard enjoyed the attention, which creates tensions between the two of them (Penny & Leonard), but the real problem begins when Sheldon attempts to "correct" Alex's behavior. In attempting to make it clear that he understands her lack of self-control, he sparks one of the most-justified-ever reports to the human resources department. While being interviewed, he tries to defend himself by citing the various infractions from his colleagues ... getting them all called before human resources.

This Episode's Science

Quantum Foam: In the first scene of the episode, Alex mentions that she is attending a talk by physicist Kip Thorne. Leonard responds that the talk is on "his take on John Wheeler's quantum foam." The quantum foam in reference is the idea that quantum physics depicts reality at the smallest level as not empty space, but a broiling sea of energy as virtual particles spring in and out of existence.

Notable Quotes

Sheldon: I want to thank you all for coming on such short notice. Uh, in the past, I’ve reached out to each of you individually, but I believe my present situation requires the collective wisdom of the group, which as you can see from your commemorative T-shirts I have dubbed Sheldon Cooper’s Council of Ladies.
Penny: What is happening?
Sheldon: I need your advice about a delicate workplace situation. Uh, to protect those involved, I’ll be changing their names.
Bernadette: Who’s involved?
Sheldon: Well, a short, bespectacled colleague of mine who lives in the shadow of his brilliant roommate. Let’s call this colleague Ricardo Shilly-Shally.
Penny: You’re talking about Leonard.
Sheldon: No, no, Shilly-Shally has red hair and, uh, he briefly served in the Mexican Navy. Anyway, despite the fact that he has a girlfriend, Shilly-Shally has been the recipient of inappropriate workplace flirtations from a young lady.
Amy: It’s your assistant Alex, isn’t it?
Sheldon: No. No. No. This is Tondelaya della Ventimiglia.
Penny: Wait, what the hell’s going on with Leonard and Alex?
Sheldon: No, uh, no, I’m sorry. Who’s talking about Leonard and Alex?
Penny: Fine. Ricardo and Tondelaya.
Sheldon: Okay, look, it’s not really about Ricardo and Tondelaya. It is really about her boss, who doesn’t quite know how to handle this situation and could use your advice, which is surprising because Dr. Einstein Von Brainstorm, he’s usually pretty smart about these things.
Penny: I’m gonna kill her.
Bernadette: I’m sure you’ve got nothing to worry about. Leonard would never cheat on you.
Amy: She’s right. But say the word, I got a lab full of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose. One of them could end up in the backseat of her car. Or her shower.
Sheldon: Ladies, ladies, please. We’re not here to talk about Penny, okay? We’re here to talk about me. Uh, I mean Einstein Von Brainstorm. Oh, darn it! All right, I guess the cat’s out of the bag. Let me explain what’s going on. Ricardo is really Leonard.
Penny: We know what’s going on, Sheldon!

Alex: Is there a problem?
Sheldon: Let’s not call it a problem. Let’s call it an opportunity. To solve a serious problem.
Alex: What did I do?
Sheldon: You don’t know? Oh, you poor dear. Your ovaries are squirting so much goofy juice into your brains you don’t even know which way is up. You made an inappropriate sexual advance towards Dr. Hofstadter.
Alex: What? I didn’t make a sexual advance on anybody.
Sheldon: Now, there’s no need to get defensive. I’m not unsympathetic to your plight. My father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.
Alex: What?
Sheldon: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.
Alex: This conversation is making me uncomfortable.
Sheldon: Yeah, you and me both, sister. Now, please understand, I don’t hold you responsible for your behaviour because, see, from an evolutionary standpoint, you’re a slave to your desire to reproduce. But during the work day, when you feel possessed by amorous intent, may I suggest that you suppress it by leafing through this illustrated book of sexually transmitted diseases? Let’s see here. Oh, yes. Check out this oozy doozy.
Alex: I have to go.
Sheldon: So does this fellow, but he can’t without it burning like hot soup.

HR Woman: I called you in today because your assistant Alex Jensen has lodged a complaint against you.
Sheldon: So I’ve been told. But I can’t understand what she has to complain about. I mean, she has a front-row seat as I make scientific history. There’s string cheese in my mini-fridge, and that’s for anyone. Yeah, and just yesterday I led her away from a life of sexual promiscuity by making her look at pictures of disease-ridden genitalia.
HR Woman: Cancel my next appointment. This is gonna take a while. Dr. Cooper, you said things to your employee that you just cannot say in the workplace.
Sheldon: Like what?
HR Woman: Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an egg salad sandwich. I don’t even know what that means, but I’m gonna go ahead and tell you you can’t say it.

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